I was made for Another World.

I wasn't going to blog about this, but there is, in a way, some sort of healing in writing.

My friend from high school, Jason Wynne, was shot and killed last week. He was doing construction work in New Orleans. He was 21.

When I found out, I was completely shocked. I went blank for thirty minutes. I had just talked about him with a friend a few hours before. (My friend had seen him a few weeks prior and was telling me about the visit). It was totally ironic and it broke my heart. My heart still hurts.

Jason was a drummer in our small little Christian band for a while in high school. He had to quit because he couldn't make rehearsal, but he was a great musician. What I remember most about him is that he liked to laugh. It's hard for me to accept his death. I don't know if it's because he was murdered, or because like so many of my friends, I don't know how his spiritual life was. I do know that in high school he worked at his church with fundraisers and he did help us with our band, so I hang on to those memories. I lost touch with him after high school. He was the first one in our graduating class to pass away.

I feel for his family during this time. There are so many unanswered questions right now and his death was so sudden. Please pray for they Wynne family during this time, and please pray for his friends.

It's been a while!

It's been a while since my last update. Xanga is a nice little memory of life before facebook or myspace. I think about those days occasionally. Wow, how old do I sound?

This isn't much of an update, but I'm going to end it by posting something I wrote for myspace a couple of weeks ago. Afterall, not everyone uses MySpace. I'll try to update more in the upcoming weeks.

Wow,

I can't believe that I have one more year of college left. That's crazy. It seems like yesterday that I was at Shorter for Freshman orientation, rooming with Kate in Hazel. This school year has gone by so fast!

I've learned so much and I'm thankful for the lessons that God has taught me this year, even though they weren't easy ones to learn. I like to think I'm stronger now because of it.

Here is a recap: I slept in a cardboard box. I had plenty of stupid arguments about things that didn't really matter in the end. I had a very crowded schedule that nearly killed me. I went camping. I have great friends and it's quality that matters, not quantity. I survived without a cell phone (for a small period of time). I accepted the fact that not everyone is going to like me and sometimes nothing I do will change that. I learned the importance of being a good steward of what God has given me (like the environment, resources, time, etc). Simplicity is awesome. The Young Adult group at Cornerstone is amazing and they were a strong support system for me and will continue to be. I didn't allow people to tell me that I can't make a difference because everyone can, even if it's small. I met and played with inner-city children, thinking that I would help them. They really helped me, plus they taught me how to twist and braid my hair and let me borrow the swing! I learned not to ask "Where are you God?" but instead, like Gary Haugen (founder of International Justice Mission), I asked "Where are God's people?" 

 I found out that reality is cold and real. My world right now consist of twenty-somethings living in a small bubble called Shorter College. One of our main concerns is to pass tests and make it to graduation. The truth is, there are people living in my back yard who are hungry, poor, and in need of something more than living from day to day. Their primary concern is survival. 

I learned that the "Invisible Children" living in Uganda are beautiful. These poor children are fighting for their lives every day and have no one to speak for them. Their parents are dead (HIV Aids is running rampant), and they are in danger of being caught by rebels who will beat them if they don't do exactly what they are told. This means fighting alongside rebels who make them kill others, other children. Children as young as five are forced to kill. I learned that the only difference between American children and Ugandan children is that most American children have a safe place to lay their head at night, realizing that we all have the same blood, heartbeat...we're all people. We all have the same basic needs.

I still don't know what's ahead of me. I don't know what I want to do with my life and I'm not worried about it at the moment. I hope to make the most of this upcoming school year and see where this journey takes me.

A Call to Love

I haven't posted anything in a while! It's time for an update.

We had a Super Bowl party last night. There were about 40 people in our house! It was insane and some were playing "games." (who plays games at a Super Bowl Party? Well, apparently some of my friends do.) I was in the living room screaming at the top of my lungs and having a grand ol' time....until like 4th quarter. The reaction I receive today? "Carrie, you are a completely different person when it comes to sports." Tis true my friends, tis true. It was a lot of fun though and a really good stress reliever, which is what I needed.

Speaking of stress, February is certainly full of it (and it's like, the 5th?) I'm tired. Everyone is stressed out right now, but it still seems like no one understands. I don't know if that makes any sense or not. I'm generally a private person and I use xanga to vent or rant, not for my personal life. I just really don't think it's anyone's business. This time though, it may be. Some of you have noticed that I've been more "reserved" lately. Let me get the record straight. I'm not depressed and I'm not really sad. I've just been thinking a lot and taking everything in.

Sometimes people seem so fake. I'm definitely not perfect and I get consumed with day to day life, but can't we just take time to care about one another? I'm so sick of hearing "Carrie, how are you?" Seriously? Do you really want to know? It's just a surface greeting for surface relationships. I'm sick of that too. I want authentic. I don't want surface crap that doesn't amount to a hill of beans. I don't want friends who pretend to care and then don't show up when I need them. I don't want to judge or be judged. I want to LOVE and grow in relationships with people. Really, what's so wrong with that?

Not too long ago, our pastor did a series on community and it stuck with me. In a true community, people feel safe. I'm just going to go ahead and say that I really don't feel safe around some people here at school.

I had a great conversation yesterday with a "friend." We haven't hung out in a while so a bunch of us went to lunch after church and then she really opened up and I realized that she was feeling the same way. The other day, another friend told me that she went to a very popular Christian "function" that happens at our school every week. No one even said 'hi. how are you?' This made her feel like no one cared. She told me she would never go back.

It's not that we need to pour our hearts out every time we see someone. I'm not about that. I'm just tired of going through the motions. What are we doing people? When will we get it right?

I'm not mad at anyone. I just hope we (myself included) can all wake up and realize that it's time to stop hurting one another. We claim to be "Christians." Let's practice what we preach.